Who's Got Your Back?
By Roy Abbott

Have you seen the YouTube video of the lions and the water buffaloes? If you have you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, it's amazing. In it, a pride of lions are stalking a herd of water buffaloes. The lions, which were obviously faster and more agile, quickly overtook the herd and ran down one of the young ones. It looked like the end for the young buffalo. To make matters worse for the calf, as the lions attacked, he tumbled into a nearby river during the chase. As the lions on shore were pulling on him to retrieve him from the water, a crocodile emerged and grabbed him from the other end. What ensued was a tug-of-war over this poor calf.

The outcome looked worse for the calf. Finally, the lions won over the croc and pulled the calf onshore to begin their feast. However, what they didn’t realize was that the once-frightened herd had begun to make their way back and surround the lions. They had come back to rescue their calf. The closer the herd got to the lions the more the lions appeared to cower in fear.

Trapped by the river on one side and a herd of buffaloes on the other, the lions could not escape. Suddenly, a bull charged the lions and one of them took off along the shoreline in quick retreat. Another bull charged and flipped a lion into the air with a swift head butt. One by one the lions were chased away from the calf, which miraculously was still alive. Now free, the calf ran into the safety of the herd. With all the lions chased away and the separated calf freed and rejoined to the herd, the video ended. It was truly a stunning and amazing drama.

First Peter 5:8 warns us about the “lions” in our lives. “Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

I’ve been in that calf’s shoes at times in my life. The enemy has been on the prowl stalking me, waiting to devour me. How? By placing temptations in my path to trip me up, hoping I will take the bait so that he can accuse me of my wrongdoing. Honestly, sometimes his cunning has won out. Sometimes I’ve been tripped up by his lies and deceit; usually it happens when I am alone. I have discovered that I am most vulnerable and susceptible to attacks from the enemy when I am alone and separated from others. I am weaker when I am alone.

I need other men in my life who will watch my back - men who aren’t impressed with me and who are willing to shoot straight with me. If I’m heading in a wrong direction or involved in some sinful behavior, I need men who will take the risk and say something to me before I get myself in too deep. Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us that “a person standing alone can be defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer.” Another version says: “Two are better than one. … If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”

Had only one or two of those buffaloes come back to attack the half dozen or so lions, the outcome might have been much different. But when the entire herd banded together, they overcame the lions with ease. There was strength in numbers. We need to be in a band of brothers, knit together, fighting together with one another and for one another.

There is also a need for men to walk one-on-one with each other. Sometimes there might be something going on in my life for which I need the wisdom and counsel of a trusted friend. Other times I’ve fallen into sin and need a brother to confess to and have some accountability with. This is when I need a close friend from my band of brothers to confide in.

James understood this when he said, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” (Jas. 5:16) Confession, first before God, then with your brothers is healing. When sin, previously kept in darkness, is exposed to God’s light, it no longer has a grip on you nor can it hold you captive. God’s forgiveness sets us free. The forgiveness and understanding of others also sets us free.

This level of intimacy in relationship is not easy for men. It is a road less traveled, one that requires great courage. Most men struggle to get to this level of transparency in relationship with other men because it can feel like weakness, and weakness is not something a man likes to feel. But without authentic, man-to-man relationships in our lives, we can too easily fall prey to the enemy’s lies and temptations.

Proverbs 27:17 encourages us to “sharpen” one another in relationship. Scripture puts it this way: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Pursuing and engaging in intentional, authentic relationship with another man is mutually beneficial. When we allow others into our lives, we grow in relationship with one another and with Christ. We become more Christ-like.

So how do you begin to cultivate a relationship mano a mano?

Pray. Prayer is fundamental and foundational to all that we do and all that we ask for from God. Begin to ask God for a man in your life whom you can share your life with. You need someone who is not impressed by you, yet someone who is willing to invest in you and you in him.

Get your antenna up. There are men all around you right now, one of whom would be a great partner for you on this journey of life. You need to “tune in” and locate that guy.

Be intentional. Ask God for the courage to take the first step. Ask a guy to lunch and just visit. Get to know each other a bit. God will reveal to you if you are to go deeper with this man.

Be a risk-taker. Don’t be the guy who wishes he had a friend but is too afraid to go after it. Take the risk. It’s worth it!

In their book, Brothers! Calling Men Into Vital Relationships, Geoff Gorsuch and Dan Schaffer describe brotherhood this way, “In spite of what we have seen and heard in our individualistic culture, it is clear that Christ never wanted His disciples to live out their Christian lives alone. Where brothers are accepting, encouraging, and exhorting one another to full maturity in Christ, there is love; and that love is the hope of the world. As people see the love of brothers in action, they will see hope for their own lives and somewhere turn for real help. This is what Jesus meant when he said, “The world will know that you are mine … if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). Love kindles hope; and as a mature brother, a man, can become a laborer in God’s kingdom as he takes that hope to his family, his friends, and ultimately, to the world.”

Men love a challenge. Men love to take risks. Pursuing a vital relationship with another man in your quest to understand godly manhood is about as risky a challenge as I can think of. There is much to lose, yet there is much to gain. It is, without a doubt, one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever experience in your life.

Roy Abbott is Founder and President of Focal Point Ministries, a ministry focused to equip and train leaders of men.